I was going to run myself a bath and cut open my wrists, and then I realised something -

I have 440 points until my next NG secret item!

i wonder what it is!

PS: sometimes, i like to google image search some arbitrary abstract concept, like "deceit", or "boredom". here's what comes up when you google image search "wonder".

Hi guys,

I edit the free commuter magazine newspaper "The Rag" that's floating about a bit in Sydney, and I'm fielding submissions from promising comedy writers.

Here's the SCOOP:

we're increasing our distributive girth and we need fresh new content. if you think you're funny and you've got an eye for stupid, we need 500-word articles on issue-based material, rather than topical jokes - because we're published fortnightly the jokes you write could not see light until after their expiry. they're not worth your effort or ours.

so for an example, we've just run an article on gay marriage and another on wikipedia. we're not tied to any agenda or point of view so you can come at any idea from any angle, which is a terrific liberty to be afforded and one we're appreciative of wasting.

you're welcome to submit ideas for stories but if someone writes a good, funny article on racism and you just write a proposal for it, we're going to take the one that's completed and good to print.

we don't mind solitary articles but we'd LOVE frequent contributors so our little rag doesn't become too mercenary.

the work is UNPAID - we're doing it for the love. but writing for us will get you real experience as a comedy writer, and will get your work read by thousands of Sydney-siders.

Email any submissions as an attachment to editor@itstherag.com - we look forward to hearing from you!

[DICK 1]

[DICK 2]

[DICK 3]

I made:

- a world without video games
- how to make a brawl taunts smoothie (and the sequel)
- kirb's hot air balloon
- rtil's part

all about 9 months ago.

if you think that, given so much time, i should have created something more impressive, you must HATE yet another brawl taunts movie.

in other news china have caused a massive upset by winning the 2009 world table tennis championships, i don't know about you but i lost myself a lot of money on that bet

Here's Magic Cat Mitch 1.

It's a new series I'm making about people lost in a parallel world and that have been lost there for a few weeks now and the novelty of the whole experience has now worn off somewhat. This is the first, there's going to be a second soon and it involves seahorses so SICK.
Egoraptor's a really cool guy - he's helped with scripting, voices and a little bit of music so all in all he's a champ and I am fine with him riding on my e-coattails to e-stardom.

Also watch this. It's got video game characters though so bring tissues.

Oh and if you haven't seen it already, watch Heathers. I just saw it for the first time about a week ago and it's very very funny and Christian Slater is very very not-shit. So its unusual for two reasons.

HADOUKEN

.
/* */
inspired? i was too.

Hans Van Harken is gay AND I AM 100% COOL WITH THAT

Sure, he's gay. BIG DEAL. Who isn't amirite. The real story is how OKAY I AM with that:

IT'S COOL THAT YOU'RE GAY, WHATEVER.

See? I'm totally cool with it! Not to labor the point too much but it's really important that you realise how COOL I am with that - I don't even mind man.

I'm so INDIFFERENT to it whatever you know? Even if you don't know what I mean that's cool whatever you are who are and who you are is who you are and who am I to judge! Whatever I'M COOL WITH THAT.

Thank heavens for our enlightened attitudes on sexuality and identity. 146 posts and counting.

Right now I'm living off stale cheese and bacon rolls and thickshakes because I don't know how to do the washing up. I had two thickshakes last night, like twenty minutes before I went to bed, because I'm living with my sister at the moment and if I don't eat and drink everything of mine before I go to bed she'll steal them while I'm asleep. She's very sneaky. Also this morning at work I puked in my mouth but willed it back into my stomach.

I dropped my cheese and bacon roll on the ground 10 minutes ago, and my dog licked it and took a small bite. I ate it anyway.

Kids, this is not a life you want.

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER ATM

Julia Roberts lives among the nomads of Mongolia and discovers their special relationship with the wild horse.

Mongolia is home to the only true wild horses known to still exist. Julia Roberts, who shares a passion for horses with the Mongolian people, went there to sample life as a nomad on the steppes of central Asia and learn first hand why the wild horse has been an integral part of existence there for millennia.

Roberts spent several weeks with a nomadic family, living exactly as the family does -- in a one-room transportable "ger," with no bathroom, no running water, and no heat. Roberts is quickly absorbed into the daily routine of nomadic life. When she isn't playing with the children, the family chats with her continually. Though they don't understand each other's language, messages get through with smiles and universal gestures.

Ms. Roberts's rapport with her Mongolian hosts is fostered in part by two potent factors: her love of children, which is amply demonstrated in her interaction with the family, and her passion and skill with respect to horses. The horse plays many vital roles for the nomads of Mongolia -- from the fermented mare's milk that is a primary food staple, to transportation and to the races that are central to the nation's culture and religious festivals.

Join Roberts in her discovery of the amazing trust that human and animal seem to share: "For these horses to just be allowed to roam around and they don't take off and leave ...is kind of amazing. Everywhere in America, you see animals and you also see fences. Here it's really about the love and respect that man gives to the animal that they all stay together."

So anyway the second episode of my series won an award and got frontpage, so IN YOUR FACE FIRST EPISODE!!

if you like it, check out my Get A God series because it's mining similar territory (okay I stole all the ideas from there you win).

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/
374261 - there's a good place to start. It's the first one.

Oh and I think it's funny that some people are criticising the flash for its simple animation. While I agree, I think that criticising a flash like that based on its color scheme or whatever is like saying you didn't like Bowling For Columbine because Michael Moore is fat.

Here's a script I wrote but quit because it was poorly researched and I didn't have a punchline: it was basically becoming a column for Economic Rationalist Quarterly.

1: President Bush, thanks for your time.

2: Always a pleasure.

1: With global prices for oil surging consistently over the last few months, what are you doing to ease the pressure on low to middle income families?

2: Look, unfortunately there's very little we can do. The oil industry is just that: an industry, regulated by supply and demand just like any other industry.

1: There's less supply, but greater demand?

2: That's correct. It's simple economics.

1: I would have thought that the control the military has over pipelines in Iraq would have -

2: Look I'll stop you there Cameron. We're not in Iraq for oil.

1: Okay.

2: Frankly the very notion that you would suggest to steal a sovereign nation's chief commodity is appalling.

1: Well, I'm not really suggesting that.

2: I mean, we go over there to liberate these people, from a brutal dictatorship, and we did. So now that they're getting back on their feet, you want to take the rug right from under them?

1: Not at all.

2: You're awful.

1: I'm saying, if we did n't go to Iraq for oil, but there's now an issue with the supply of oil meeting the demand for it, surely we could use that oil in Iraq to meet demand and help your own citizens who are struggling with rocketing costs?

2: I'm not aware of anybody struggling with the costs of rocketing Cameron.

1: That's not what I meant.

2: I think you should get your facts straight.

1: Surely the best way to -

2: Iraq is a complex issue. We're there for a reason, and with a mission, and oil is not a part of that mission. Taking oil from helpless Iraqis... heartless.

1: The Government Accountability