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I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm actually a really intelligent guy. There aren't many things I take seriously but one thing I see as important is politics. We're all, unfortunately, tragically ignorant on many key points that drive metaphorical wedges through modern society: issues like abortion, same-sex marriage, Iraq, renewable energy and global warming - although we may have a broad understanding of these as concepts, our knowledge of the detail is lax.
So I've decided to do what I can to get people educated and informed about politics. This upcoming US election is shaping up to be one of the most hotly contested and engaging competitions in recent memory and I think that given a proper understanding of it we can elect a great new leader for a great new USA. Don't worry if it sounds too dry though, it's not. I'm a fun guy: I can party too you know. Just not now.
Check it out, and don't forget to vote in November!
Believe it or not, I'm just your average guy. I put my pants on one penis at a time.
Subject: MAYBE WE SHOULD BE BUDDIES
My name's Anil Bleeshn and I'm a really big fan of your work. I know that I haven't got any flashes that are any good, but I just don't submit my best flashes on Newgrounds and if I did they would definitely be on the frontpage for around 400 days and also be top 50 of all time.
My top-scoring flash is a series about people in college recycling jokes from Family Guy, which i think Newgrounds doesn't quite have enough of!
I know you're a pretty big deal, having created your own internet brand and company for nearly a decade and pouring your heart and soul into turning an original concept into a profitable investment without selling out your core beliefs. I'm a pretty big deal too - i made some pretty awesome stickfigure skateboearding movies. i'm probably going to be famous soon, or maybe next week.
So I reckon we should make a collaboration together. That way you could help the newgrounds up and coming talent and I could basically ride off the goodwill you've accrued through years of hard work in order to publicise myself and essentially whore you.
I figure we should make a collaboration about videogame characters who are gay, because that way we pander to the largest possible audience: the fanboy internet nerds who find it orgiastic that any well-recognised established character would grace a poorly made amateur cartoon, and the "subvervise" iconoclasts who are 17-year-old anarchists after hearing Never Mind The Bollocks and now have decided they hate their mum.
We don't even need real jokes! If we run out of ideas, let's just show people jerking off. It's funny because noone would do that in the real world. I DON'T THINK YOU QUITE UNDERSTAND THE JOKE YET
Anyway write me back. Oh and I'll graciously flatter you incessantly, so you'll think I'm a real big fan of your work even though I'm actually trying to manipulate you through guilt and emotional blackmail into working with me. Because I've seen a lot of films and I'm pretty sure this will work every single time.
SO I LOVE YOU ALSO AND MAYBE WE COULD FLAT TOGETHER
(you know you do)
yesterday Susie borrowed my pencil at school and then she didn't return it and said she never borrowed it but she totally did. She is such a bitch!
Bloody awesome film. I dunno if you guys remember it, it's quite old in terms of animation now. It's absolutely amazing. Really quite melancholy as well, but then again I'm a huge fan of mixing pathos with humour. Steve Martin's "Roxanne" a classic example. Another is the 2nd series finale of the UK Office. Not the Christmas specials, the twelfth episode. If you haven't seen it, watch it. Stunning.
Pixar are genius. I should see Ratatouille, but I'm just so worried about being disappointed. Like I used to like Woody Allen, but then I found out he fucked his stephdaughter, and now I love him. Wait bad example.
If you haven't seen the Pixar short "Red's Dream", it's the most amazing short film ever made about a unicycle. I dunno, I'm really into this shit at the moment.
Anyway, HIT THAT did really well. Like, intimidatingly well. I've written a few scripts to follow it up, all quite varied. One's got no dialogue at all. I don't want to be pigeonholed so people expect a type of film from me. I think the dialogue-less one will be a Halloween short. It's funny, in a cruel sort of way, but it's really animation-intense, so might take a while. It's totally different though.
I guess I can release a bit of info about it. It's called "Gertie" - it's about the ugliest child in the world, trying to make friends. It won't be very long, and I'm worried I don't have the animating chops to pull off this sucka, but nobody ever found out by doing nothing, did they.
Also got a TANKMEN parody I'm finalising the script on. The weird thing about it is that there are no gags at all. No "funny one-liners" or anything. The humour comes from the characters and the situation they're in. I hate films that rely on absurdly witty dialogue or characters that change all over the place so they can cram as many punchlines as possible in. HATE THEM DON'T DO IT YOU'LL LOSE MY RESPECT I KNOW BAD EH
Annoyingly though, I think everybody else loves them. Look how popular Family Guy is. Oh well.
Check it out
IT'S A BIG FAT THROBBING SEX JOKE AND IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US